i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So much rum. So many feels.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
