Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
