i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize