READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
