bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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