every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
