Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
