im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
