I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
