I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
