her vagine was all disorganized.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
