I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
