I'm lost and stupid without you.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
