So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
