Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
