I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
