why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
