Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
