I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
