Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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