why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
