My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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