Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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