he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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