You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
