oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
