dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
