rhymes with "ouble enetration"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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