The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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