i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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