make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
