Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
