we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
