She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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