My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
