I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
