omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
