we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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