I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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