Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
