Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
