i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize