I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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