After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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