dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
