Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
