That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
