I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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