So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
