i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
