I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
