i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
