just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
