Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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