I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
