K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
