i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
