I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
