Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
