just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
