I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize