did you get engaged???
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
