The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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