just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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