I seem to have left my pride at pride
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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