So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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